A few months ago, I registered for the Cambridge Open studios, happening July. At the time, it felt like a good idea.
I still think it was a good idea, but I start to feel the pressure to produce more new paintings. Unfortunately, my 3650 project has a funny/weird influence on what I do: where I used to paint mainly abstract figures, I am now more tempting to so more figurative stuff. Or at least, initially. Because in reality, whatever I produce that starts to become too figurative in my mind end up on the side, unfinished. And I cannot finish it. It just doesn’t work. It is painful.
It’s like if a 2 sides in my brain were in conflict, and I am not sure how to tackle it. I cannot revert to the comfort of my most recent paintings, because it feels too old, and I would like to move on from it too. But I cannot finish these more figurative stuff. I am stuck in a creative limbo. And the clock goes to fast, and the days are passing faster and faster.
Recently, I found a great structure paste that allow fantastic textures on canvases. But even then, I cannot really find the comfort I am after. I struggle. And I paint over and over the same canvas again. Is this procrastination? Fear? I don’t know.
At some point I will have to simply accept the pictures that come to my mind, put them down, and ship them, in hope that I will get used to them.